Chat Show Chaos
by Nessa Luinwe
Summary: All the major characters from L J Smith's books are brought together to be interviewed on a chat show... yes, I know, it's a stupid idea, but hey, I was tired and bored, and it soudned funny at the time...


**Summary: Do NOT ASK what possessed me to write this. It was midnight, I was bored, I'd got writer's block with the other stories I'm writing and this just popped into my head. It's just a bit of fun; I love all these characters and I'm not trying to have a dig at any of them. I just wanted to let them do a bit more than they usually do, that's all.**

**Anyway, it's basically the idea that main characters from three of L J Smith's series (The Forbidden Game, Night World and The Vampire Diaries) are brought together on a chat show. They're being interviewed one (or two, or more, depending on who butts in) at a time, and they may be very slightly off character (intense understatement there). Anyway, I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I did writing it!**

**Characters in this story:**

**From The Forbidden Game: Julian (OBVIOUSLY), Jenny, Tom, Dee**

**From Night World: Ash, Mary-Lynette, Thea, Blaise, Quinn, Thierry, Jez, Morgead**

**From The Vampire Diaries: Elena, Stefan, Damon, Meredith, Bonnie, Matt**

**Except for the first chapter, which is just sort of the introduction, I'm going to be writing this as one character being interviewed per chapter. If you think I've left anyone out that you want me to include, send me a message and I'll see if I can fit them in somewhere. For now I've just tried to stick to the characters I know best and 18 characters already means 18 chapters.**

**Okay, here we go (deep breath):**

SCENE A TV studio. A large audience is in attendance, eagerly waiting for the lights to come on and the curtain to be raised. Everyone is chatting to each other excitedly, but the talk dies down as finally bright lights shine down on the stage and the theme music to the programme (invent your own; something suitably cheesy, I can't be bothered) plays in the background. A cheer goes up from the audience as the curtain is raised, and then a hushed silence as the presenter (think of your average American chat show host) walks onstage, a big smile plastered on her face. Behind her is a large circle of chairs, with one in the middle obviously meant for the presenter, when she is finished making a little speech. The chairs are empty; the audience fidgets in excitement and impatience. Finally, the presenter begins to speak.

PRESENTER: Hi there, and welcome everybody to (insert name of programme here, can anyone think of a good one? I can't)! We have something very special for you folks today—the stars of three of writer L J Smith's most famous series of books are here with us, and we're going to be talking to them about their amazing lives and seeing what stories they have of their own! (massive, beaming smile) Well, I know you're all desperate to meet them, so let's go on with the show!

(The Presenter crosses to the left side of the stage)

PRESENTER: (gushy smile) Ladies and Gentlemen, our first guests are from the series known as The Forbidden Game!

(cue 'oooos' and 'ahhhhhs' and cheering)

PRESENTER: (the gushy smile gets bigger) First of all, ladies and gentlemen, give a nice warm welcome to the lovebirds of the series, Jenny Thornton and Tom Locke!

(The crowd gives a big cheer and claps, as Jenny and Tom walk out hand in hand, both smiling. They give little waves at the audience and take two seats on the right hand side of the circle. They continue smiling, until a dodgy-looking guy in the audience shouts "You're WELL fit!" at Jenny. Jenny blushes and continues smiling. Tom's smile instantly disappears to be replaced by a sulky look and his best angry-face at the guy in the audience, who is promptly yanked back into his seat by his not-so-amused girlfriend.)

PRESENTER: (with an airhead laugh and a shake of the head) It's lovely to know our guests are so popular with the audience here today! (gushy smile reappears) Let's welcome our third guest, Jenny's best friend Deirdre Eliade, better known as Dee!

(The crowd cheers madly again as Dee walks onstage, glaring at the dodgy guy in the audience with a "one more word from you and I'll give you something to shout about" look. She takes the seat next to Jenny and throws the dodgy guy one more glare before smiling round at the rest of the audience.)

PRESENTER: (seriously, the gushy smile is about to crack her face apart, it's so big) And our final guest from The Forbidden Game Series, everyone's favourite, Julian!

(The crowd looks confused for a second, and then every female member of the audience screams at such a deafening volume that Tom's whining about Julian being the favourite is completely drowned out. Jenny looks uncomfortable, clearly not aware that Julian would be here, and Dee looks ready to kill someone. Tom just looks whiny. Julian saunters onstage at his own leisure, ignoring the high-pitched screams and fainting women in the front row. Keeping his eyes fixed on Jenny but also managing to throw a smirk at Tom, he takes a seat on the opposite side of the circle.)

PRESENTER: (almost misses her cue because she's staring at Julian with adoration) Oh… yes, right… sorry, ladies and gentlemen. (Gushy is safely back on her face again) Our second group of guests are from the Night World series!

(cue 'oooos' and 'ahhhhhs' and cheering)

PRESENTER: (does a girly laugh for no apparent reason) Well, first up are the unlikeliest of soulmates, Ash Redfern and Mary-Lynnette Carter!

(the crowd cheers once more and any girls that managed not to faint during Julian's entrance are now sliding slowly to the floor. Ash and Mary-Lynnette walk out also hand in hand. Ash looks typically… well… Ash, and Mary-Lynnette looks a little nervous, but she manages a smile and takes a seat with Ash next to Dee. The TV crew look a little worried as to how to get the female half of the audience back into their chairs)

PRESENTER: (murmuring while staring at Ash) Isn't that nice? Yes…. (a moment's silence. Someone coughs politely) Ah! Yes! (the presenter shakes herself out of it and carefully reapplies Gushy to her face) Now, our next guests are two very bewitching young ladies: Blaise and Thea Harman!

(Extra cheering from the male half of the audience who are pleased they get to ogle two girls at once this time. The females, disappointed that it's an all-girl entrance, slowly manage to get back into their seats and clap politely. Blaise and Thea walk onstage, Blaise looking beautiful as normal and wearing as little as possible; Thea looking innocently pretty and calm. They take seats next to Ash.)

PRESENTER: (tilts head on one side and takes Gushy's width to a whole new level) Now for the prime example of mysterious, broody bad guy, please welcome Quinn!

(The audience cheers, but the females, who worked so hard to get themselves on their chairs again, are once more on the floor. The television crew look even more worried and send out a nervous call for security as one woman from the back row punches every female she comes across until she gets a seat at the front. Security arrive quickly, but as the woman appears to be sitting quite calmly in the front row, they seem to be content to just stand and watch. Quinn walks onstage looking a little annoyed at the presenter's description of him, and takes a seat next to Blaise.)

PRESENTER: (still too distracted by Ash and Julian to be too bothered by Quinn) Hmmmmm…. Oh yes! (beaming) Our next guest is the one that started it all; the first ever made vampire, Thierry Descoudres!

(Audience cheers and some guy (probably the dodgy one from earlier) tells his mate that he reckons he could beat the crap out of 'that lame little excuse for a vampire'. Thierry hears this as he walks onstage and smiles, taking a seat next to Quinn silently. The females of the audience have only just recovered from Quinn and haven't noticed Thierry's arrival.)

PRESENTER: (in no way affected by Thierry) Right, ladies and gentlemen, our last guests from the Night World series are the most fiery soulmates of all, Jez Redfern and Morgead Blackthorn!

(More cheering. The rather temperamental woman from earlier casually knocks out a girl who tries to push her out of the way to get a better view. All other females are incapable of movement. The guys in the audience look a little perturbed that their wives and girlfriends are acting so wobbly-kneed around other men, and take to sulking rather than cheering. Well, all except a few (including dodgy guy) who are eagerly eyeballing Jez. She takes no notice, however, and joins Morgead in the circle as they take seats next to Tom.)

PRESENTER: (Gushy is replaced by Gooey as she stares lovingly at Morgead. A cameraman reaches out a hand and gives her a quick prod on the shoulder. She snaps out of it again. Gushy makes a comeback) Ah yes, where were we? Our final group of guests are from the Vampire Diaries series!

)cue 'oooos' and 'ahhhhhs' and cheering)

PRESENTER: (blank, airhead, smiley expression) First are our favourite couple, Elena Gilbert and Stefan Salvatore!

(The men, except Dodgy's gang, sulk and say nothing. The females clap and cheer, completely unaffected by Stefan. They're more interested in waiting for his brother to come on the stage. Elena smiles at everyone, and Stefan looks uncomfortable and nervous. They take seats next to Morgead and Jez.)

PRESENTER: (acts like two girls came onstage rather than a boy and a girl) Next up we have another present for the girls… Stefan's bad boy brother, Damon Salvatore!

(The woman who threw punches earlier decides it's her moment and throws herself at the fence in between the seats and the stage. She almost gets over and tries to grab Damon's leg as he walks past, but security stop her by leaping on her all at once and sitting on her until she promises to behave. Damon smirks at her and blows a kiss her way. No females are left standing, and some are carried off by medics in order to be given oxygen. Damon takes a seat that everyone else has avoided like the plague—a seat next to Julian, with Thierry on the other side.)

PRESENTER: (is actually unable to speak any longer, and a cameraman has to read (badly) from the autocue) Our next guests ladies and gentlemen are Elena's best friends Meredith and Bonnie please give them a warm welcome everybody.

(Not many cheers as the men are still sulking even though they've forgotten what they're sulking about and there are hardly any women left who haven't fainted or aren't unconscious. Meredith looks wary of everyone and Bonnie just looks excited to be there. Meredith surprises everyone by taking the remaining seat next to Julian. Bonnie takes one look at Damon and Julian and quickly slips into the seat next to Stefan.)

PRESENTER: (realising the cameraman is stealing her thunder and pulling herself together) Right, ladies and gentlemen, our final guest this evening is another of Elena's good friends, Matt Honeycutt!

(Practically no cheering. Matt walks onstage, a little disappointed his high-school boy looks haven't won him some female fans, and takes the remaining seat, in between Meredith and Bonnie.)

PRESENTER: (The Return of Gushy) Well, ladies and gentlemen, thanks for giving our guests such a nice welcome! We'll be right back after this break with our first interviewees, Jenny Thornton and Tom Locke!

(cut to theme music and a disappointed audience who wanted the interviews right away)

**Author's Note: Okay, I really don't mind what kind of reviews I get for this because it was just a bit of fun, so if people say they don't like it that's fine. If you like it I'll write more, if not, I'll just hope it goes away. :) Ciao!**


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